What preset messages could your phone benefit from?

Funny, isn’t it, the things you discover when you have nothing better to think about. My phone has a folder in it with a number of preset text message templates:

• I am late. I will be there at

• I’m at home. Please call

• I’m at work. Please call

• I’m in a meeting, call me later at

• I will be arriving at

• Meeting is cancelled.

• Please call

• See you at

• See you in

• Sorry, I can’t help you on this.

To my mind, basic politeness renders all of these completely unusable, but the last one is by far the rudest. Anyway, I’ve spent the last 30 minutes creating some rather more useful templates. I suggest Nokia pre-populate their next range of smartphones with them.

• Who is this? I must have deleted your number because I hate you, but I’m pretending that I lost my phone.

• It’s my birthday, so send me a text in order briefly reverse my feelings of self loathing, thanks.

• I’m sorry, I don’t remember anything, I started drinking at 3pm.

• Sorry I didn’t say goodbye, but I just couldn’t be arsed.

• I’m nearly there, by which I mean I’ll still be an hour because I haven’t left home yet.

• No.

• Lotto Lucky 2 Load 5

• I used to love you but I’ve not been 100% sure of my affection ever since The Incident.

• I will be unable to attend your gig this evening because your band is and always has been rubbish.

• Pint?

Do You Come Here Often? - Sorry, I Can’t Help You On This.

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